


We Should Be Friends

by Qwerty_2poynt0



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Corporate, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crocker Corp, Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends, Family, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Mild Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rated for Caliborn's language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-05-27 18:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15030419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qwerty_2poynt0/pseuds/Qwerty_2poynt0
Summary: Dirk doesn't have an axe to grind with Jane, Jane doesn't particularly like Dirk encroaching on her monopoly, and both of them are trapped between a pair of rich and powerful siblings with more baggage than you can shake a stick at. There isn't much wiggle room here, but forcing some wiggle room is the specialty of their sibling/assistants.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this ruminating in my head a few weeks and I've decided to dive in because why not. This just may be a ride so strap in and enjoy it!

   Dirk stared out the bus window as The Cardigans filtered out tinny and unsubstantial from the headphones of some hipster in front of him. They passed Dave's newest movie billboard -sure to be a summer blockbuster like nearly all his movies were- and he let out a bored sigh.

   "What's wrong, DS?" Roxy leaned forward in her seat and into his periphery.

   "Remind me again why we're doing this now?"

   "Dirk, I know you're really just hung up about pitching this after stepping off a bus as opposed to cruising up on a rocket board or some shit, but you gotta get over yourself!" She shoved his shoulder lightly, "This is the first and best chance you've got, we both know that!"

   "I dunno-"

   "Ohhh no Di Stri, no cold feet, no qualifiers. You are doing this and you're doing it in style. Besides," She ruffled his hair a moment and quickly began putting it back into place. "gentlemen prefer blondes, and gentlemen are gonna be the primary makeup of these stuck up evil investors."

   "If you hate corporate echeladders so much, why are you doing this with me?"

   "Awww, c'moonnnn Dirk! You're my wittle brother! How can I not support you? Plus! I get to ride your coattails when you power your way to the top."

   "Roxy, how did you make the only selfish statement you have made in your life simultaneously encouraging and selfless?"

   "Shut up, our stop is coming up."

   The bus screeched out a noise that was the opposite of reassuring and hissed to a full stop. Perhaps he should get his gnarled claws into the public transport system once this was off the ground.

-+-

   "Jane dearie!" Chimed a voice Jane was always ecstatic to hear.

   "Calliope, I didn't expect to see you here." Jane puttered over to her through the employees and higher ups and such as they held conversation and deliberated which snacks to wolf down before they ran out of room in their stomachs and wrapped the inelaborately dressed woman up in a hug.

   "Well how can I not show up to the New Year's event of... well, the year!" Calliope squeezed her back lightly and released Jane from her embrace.

   "It's hardly that prestigious. Just an office party."

   "The best office party in town I'll bet." Calliope tapped Jane on the nose, "Maybe in the history of office parties!"

   Jane giggled. "Well, I prepare my parties for any form of taste and that incluuuudes..." She walked over to the table where all of the drinks resided and filled a cup with:

   "Cherry limeade!" Calliope gasped in delight and eagerly grabbed the cup from Jane. "Oohhhh, you are the bestest most thoughtful little CEO to ever grace this planet!"

   "Well I do need to please my investors, don't I?"

   "Oh you do that no matter what darling." Calliope bubbled around the rim of her cup, already halfway through the cherry limeade.

   "Why Jane, is this who I think it is?" Jake wondered, sidling up to the two ladies.

   "It most certainly is."

   "It's quite the honor to have you visit our quaint little shindig." Jake gave Calliope a gentlemanly bow and she giggled.

   "Oh, the two of you are definitely birds of a feather."

   "That happens when you're raised together." Jake slung his arm over Jane's shoulders and she gave him a glib smile.

   "It's so nice the two of you get along so well." Calliope smiled warmly at them.

   "Well, it's hard not to be." Jane chirped. "That's what makes him such an outstanding assistant."

   "You flatter me Miss Crocker."

   "And you compliment me greatly, Mr English."

   "That's that. I become sick. Of this." A gravelly voice sounded behind them, causing the three of them to jump. Jane and Jake were too busy turning around to notice Calliope dropping her fourth a cup of cherry limeade.

   The man was a tall, imposing figure with shoulders that looked like they could've barely fit through the door. His eyes seemed to flash constantly between annoyance, boredom, and unchecked anger.

   "Who are you?" Jane demanded, lifting Jakes arm from around her shoulders.

   "What are you doing here?" Calliope's voice held only a fraction of its usual autocratic air.

   "Was it really necessary to sneak up on us, good sir?" Jake tilted his head quizzically.

   The man let out a bark of laughter. "I don't. Have time. For questions." He brushed right through the middle of Jane and Jake and stood a few inches away from Calliope across the cherry red puddle pooling from her forgotten cup.

   "You told me I'd never see you again." She sounded hollow and her face gave away nothing.

   "When. Was the last time I told you the truth?" He spoke like he had all the time in the world.

   "I don't see why you'd feel the need to reveal a lie twelve years after the fact."

   "You can be a hard bitch to track down."

   "You've always been quite the difficult bastard to lose."

   "Time out." Jane came between the two of them and pushed them apart to make some space, fixing her sharp gaze on the newcomer. "I want a damn good reason why you are in my building and insulting my primary shareholder right now buster."

   He let out another bark of laughter. "Oh. So you're the bitch she's backing."

   "I beg your pardon sir?" Jake came up behind him.

   "Leave them out of this." Calliope commanded, looking the man dead in the eye.

   "I don't think. I will."

   "Calliope, could you please explain what is going on?" Jane turned to her and she had a strange... feeling, turning from the intruder to her.

   "I'd rather not." Calliope gave her a soft apologetic smile.

   "She'll find out eventually." The man interjected.

   "You always had a knack for causing a scene, didn't you?" Calliope returned her attention to him.

   "You always liked changing the subject."

   "Get to the point Bo."

   "You really do know. How to piss me off."

   "If I wanted to piss you off, I know plenty of more effective methods. The point, Caliborn?"

   "Let's just say. You're not the only one with a horse to back anymore." He promptly turned and stalked off. The people nearby were stilled a moment before things slowly resumed. Calliope stared him down until he left the room completely and her navy blue air of intensity seemed to dissolve entirely.

   "I'm so sorry you had to see that, Jane."

   "Who was that?"

   "An unimportant and permanent blight on my existence."

   "I dunno, he looked more like her brother to me." Jake came up and picked up the cup on the floor.

   "I never pegged you as that observant, Jake." Calliope gave him a tight smile.

   Jane felt a surge of realization at how similar their faces had been.

   "You never told me you had a brother." Jane cautioned to say.

   "He never came up. I doubt we'll have that luxury much longer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh boy, this is going to be a bit ambitious. I warn you, I make no promises pertaining to my update schedule. Other than that, I hope y'all enjoy~!


	2. Your Shit Is Wrecked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months later

   Jane wasn't sure how to take the headline. Actually, she was quite sure about how to take the headline. She was highly against it.

   "The  _one_ niche we haven't gotten our gnarled claws into yet."

   "I don't see what you're so upset about, Jane." Jake poked his head up over her paper, "The only machine you ever trusted was your oven and your mixers."

   "It's the principle, Jake." Jane explained, "I don't need to know anything about robotics and technology to hire someone who does. But now that this... 'Up and Comer' whoever they are -I haven't read that far- has established themselves, I'm going to look like I'm ripping them off or scrambling for further relevency and attention if I start in on the hard robotics and advanced software front."

   "... And that is why I organize appointments."

   "You're wonderful at it and I appreciate it greatly." Jane smiled. "But right now, we've got a situation on our hands. I'll have to find a way to counter this..." She skimmed through the column, "Mr. Strider."

   "The producer?!?" Jake gawked.

   "The wh- no, this is obviously a different Strider."

   "I dunno, there aren't that many people named Strider."

   "There are likely plenty of- look maybe they're related, but it says here his full name is Dirk Strider,and what is the name of the world famous director-producer you're thinking of?"

   "Dave. Dave Strider."

   "Exactly."

   " _But what if it's a fake name?"_

   "Jake, please, I thought you were already done with your conspiracy theory phase."

   Jane's home phone beeped and Jake promptly reached his crazy long arm over to answer.

   "Crocker residence." He chirped. "Oh, Roxy!"

   Jane smiled and rolled her eyes. She'd get calls from Lalonde sometimes looking for Jake after he'd given Jane's number to her.

   "No way, that's amazing!" Clearly she had something exciting today. Then again, she nearly always had something exciting. Jane had never held a full conversation with her, she was always either too busy or handed the phone over to Jake before too long.

   "Jane, hand me that paper." Jake held out his hand for it. Jane relinquished the press and Jake started leafing through it. "Where?"

   He flipped the paper around all the way back to the business section.

   "Well where is he?"

   Jane returned her mind to the pressing matter of what to do about the Strider situation.

    _This is definitely Caliborn's ammunition against his sister. I still can't believe I've been squashed into the middle of this. Does Strider know?_

   "Oh no, don't be silly, Jane's not evil."

   "What?"

   "Oh!" Jake nearly dropped the phone and spent some time playing hot potato with it before securing it in his hand and bracing his fists against his hips. "Nothing, nothing much."

   Jane raised a skeptical eyebrow.

   "Really, nothing for you to worry that much about."

   'Jaaaaaaake!' Roxy's voice jangled around in the speaker.

   "Yyyyes Roxy?" Jake looked incredibly nervous as he brought the phone back to his ear. Jane continued to give him her suspicious stare and he smiled back far too wide. "Yeeees..." There was a succinct pause and he winced. "Right-o madame." Jake closed his eyes and pressed the speaker button.

   "Yo Janey!" Lalonde's voice catapulted across the breakfast nook.

   "Yes?" Jane looked between Jake and the phone with a dubious expression.

   "How's it feel to have my brother dominating the business section for once?"

   Jane could swear she heard a record scratch even though she owned neither a single record nor a record player to play such things on.

   "I'm sorry, what?"

   "Oh yeah, that's my bro. Right there. He's awesome and also totally going to slay anyone who dares cross his path to cause trouble." She said dramatically. Jane imagined her lavishly stretching over the arm of a couch and delivering that line upside-down.

   "Well he's just crossed mine and is going to get trouble whether he wants it or not."

   "Isn't it 'rather'?"

   "It is whether and you should probably prepare him for my unmitigated wrath." Jane smirked.

   "Oohhhhhohoho, Jake, you never told me your sister was such a badass!"

   "I guess I figured it was implied." Jake was still kind of frozen in a state of awkward nerves, holding the phone up.

   "Well good thing, 'cause Dirk is quite the badass too. This would be sooooo much less fun if she wasn't. A'ight, talk to ya later Jakey, it's my first day at the office, and Mr. Strider-" Jane thought she could almost hear a car horn honking on the other line. "There he is! And he does not like being kept waiting. See ya same time Saturday Jakester?"

   "Uhhhh, yes?"

   "Great! Bye Jake, have fun dealing with Dirk Jane. Mwah~!" And she hung up. The dial tone was a good exemplification of Jake's facial expression.

   "Oh don't worry Miss Lalonde," Jane sipped her coffee. "I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated with myself adding more to the chapter, but I think this is nice and bite sized.


End file.
